It’s our elite protection plan for your cardboard boxes. Because your boxes deserve to feel safe too.

Absolutely! Select as many as you like, and we’ll deliver a custom quote that might blow your mind.

We combine serious protection with a seriously fun attitude. Plus, our prices are outrageously high for a reason.

Only if it's packed in cardboard. We’ll even throw in a tissue (uninsured).

Because your cardboard deserves only the best, and best doesn’t come cheap.

We prefer to call them surprise blessings. Check back randomly and maybe you'll get lucky.

All sales are final. But we’re happy to talk you into believing you never wanted a refund anyway.

It keeps an eye on your debt so you don’t have to. Alerts, reminders, and maybe a gentle nudge or two.

Our emergency flap response unit aims to arrive within 2–5 business years* with duct tape, compassion, and maybe a sandwich.

Just whisper your box's tragic story into the void. Or use our form. Either works.

Nope.. Well yes, you can upgrade but you can't downgrade. You bought it, you're stuck with it. But congrats on your eternal cardboard companion!

You don’t. That’s the joke. Welcome to the rest of your life with us.

Yes. It's called "you can't leave". Very exclusive.

We "securely" store your info in plain text, then share it with our friends. It's fine. Probably.

That sucks. We collect your data and share it with third parties for profit. Embrace it.

How dare you. We're legally real and emotionally unstable.

We speak English, Sarcasm, and Passive-Aggressive. Multilingual? Check.

No, but we have a website and that counts. Save us to your home screen and pretend.